


psych

by graveExcitement (arachnids)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-22
Updated: 2013-07-22
Packaged: 2017-12-20 23:11:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,213
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/893001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arachnids/pseuds/graveExcitement
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Adverterrorizing is a familiar phenomenon on Alternia, but its effects may be deeper than what trolls realize.</p>
            </blockquote>





	psych

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Round One: Propaganda of the 2013 Homestuck Shipping World Cup!

He keeps seeing a name encoded within this particular system, sekyrp_vertos; he sees it over and over again, within filenames and directories. This is strange because, as far as he can tell, the troll the name belongs to is not particularly important. She is a blueblood, yes, but only a few sweeps older than he; barely an adult. Okay, so unlike Sollux, she actually is an adult, but she can't be a very important one; she's simply too young, only nine sweeps or so.

Therefore, the importance her name seems to hold in these files - files that otherwise seem to have little to do with her - is more than just strange: it is nonsensical. Clearly, there is something else going on here.

He is four sweeps old and this is his first venture into the imperial databases. He vaguely remembers being convinced that this would be difficult, and also unwise. Apparently, this was not the case.

-

It's his third wriggling day, and he's excited because that means his allowance is coming in, and he'll be able to order some _real_ sickles, and some more movies, too. Not that his training sickles don't work - he's had to use them once already - but they're still inferior to the master weapons he has his eye on, sleek, sharp beauties that will certainly make anyone think twice before coming after him. All he'll need to do is wield his new sickles carefully, make sure he never injures himself. At least, not in front of anyone else.

Before he can view the front page of Troll Amazon, he is subjected to an image of Her Imperious Condescension, smirking down at him. He doesn't think he's ever seen a troll so terrible, or so beautiful. He stares, enraptured. The image says that only the best of the best can hope to succeed, hope to bring glory to the Empire. His Empress is proof of that statement's truth.

Karkat vows to be the best possible warrior for his Empress.

-

"Oh, come on," mutters Sollux. "More ads? You've got to be kidding me..."

Annoyed, he drums his fingers on his desk, idly wondering if there might be a way to bypass all these ads. What irritated him most was their repetition, the lack of any original flavor. Just the same trite banners with overused sayings. He knew adverterrorizing was supposed to be lucrative, but he couldn't imagine why. These ads certainly weren't motivating him to do anything or buy anything.

As soon as he moves to a different website, he is harangued by ads again. Glory to the Empire, glory to the Empire. What hoofbeastshit. Abruptly, he decides to make his idle wonder a reality, if it doesn't exist already. These ads are a waste of his and everyone's time. The fuckheads over at Troll 4chan would probably praise him for this.

He smirks. KK would probably worship him - after all, if Sollux is so peeved by these constant adverterrorizements, then he would bet his beehives that KK is _livid_. Ehehe, oh this is perfect.

It's also probably illegal, but that had never concerned him before.

-

Sollux has been unusually quiet lately, which probably means that he's got a coding project he's overly obsessed with, like the disaster he is. He still gets online periodically, so Karkat assumes he's not so sucked into his work that he's on the verge of collapse. It's a pretty safe assumption, if he pretends that Sollux Captor isn't on the verge of collapse _all the time_. What an idiot. 

Still, he judges that his best friend isn't in immediate danger from his own obsessive nature, so he is - thankfully - free to stay home and train. Not simply train with his sickles, although he remains as dedicated about them as he has for sweeps, but also in more sophisticated, complex matters - tactics and leadership. Just a perigee ago he signed up for schoolfeeding and simulations on both topics, and now his application has been processed and he can begin learning how to be a great leader. 

Leadership, tactics, and proficiency with a weapon - this is what he needs to be a threshecutioner. Technically speaking, he only really requires the last of the three options - but that would only be if he was aiming for mediocre, lackluster. And lackluster is something he can never be - not with his blood, and not if he wishes to bring his Empire glory. 

He starts up one of the leadership schoolfeedings, ready and eager to drink in the information he will need to succeed. First, however, he has to sit through some ads. He slumps back in his chair, impatient to begin. He watches a public service announcement on the importance of loyalty to the Empire, and how disloyal trolls did not deserve to have their genes pass on into the slurry. It's common sense, he thinks. Betraying the Empire would get you culled, plain and simple.

Even so, he feels a trickle of fear when the highblood ends his speech and stares straight into the camera. It feels distinctly like he is staring at Karkat, who shivers. He knows it to be ridiculous, of course, but he cannot break his gaze from the screen, which had faded to black... and yet he still feels as though he is being watched.

-

Sollux is well used to the idiosyncrasies of the imperial networks by now, and he navigates them with ease. KK might try to deny it, but he is a more than competent hacker, and the imperial mainframes are like an open book. Well, most of them are, in any case. There are sections of the Empire's networks which he has not ventured into, but that is solely because of lack of interest - not lack of skill, despite what KK claims whenever the subject is brought up. True, those sectors are better-encrypted than the rest, but he could crack them if he so chose. 

Every imperial-maintained webpage is inundated with ads, of course, but a large number of third party websites display them as well. All he has to do is devise a program to add to his web browser of choice that will block or bypass the ads he is forced to view. It's a fairly simple concept, and while it's somewhat less simple in execution, it's not the hardest project he's ever undertaken.

He begins by analyzing the encoding of the ads within various websites. The good thing about the Empire's dislike of anything resembling originality is that there aren't many individual ads to consider. He's seen it all before. Glory to the Empire is a big one, of course - probably the phrase that crops up most often. He glances at a few more banners and vids, determining what code ties them all together - and thus, what code he can have his browser block on sight.

His gaze falls on another familiar slogan. Know Not Cull Not. The Alternian Empire's way of saying that the less you knew, the less trouble you'd be in. It discouraged trolls from prying into imperial secrets, or even into the less secret workings of the Empire - because of course, if you knew not, you were culled not. It wasn't the worst of the Empire's various slogans. In fact, this one even sort of made sense. 

-

Karkat finds himself wondering: why?

He's currently playing through a tactics simulation, but he finds himself constantly distracted by the banners plastered seemingly everywhere. They break his focus, his momentum, and he can't imagine any proper reason for why this would be beneficial to the Empire. This is a _fucking training simulation!_ Its very purpose is to help young trolls practice for their future career serving Alternia! 

He understands adverterrorizements, really he does. They help inform the general troll public and remind them of things they may have forgotten. He sure doesn't trust the general troll public to be able to find their own assholes, so he can fully understand why the Empire chooses to remind them of such things, such as the importance of loyalty to the Empire. 

However, in this instance he struggles to find a reason - any reason - that such ads would be necessary or appropriate here. A troll old enough and knowledgeable enough to partake in tactics simulations would not need to be reminded of the glory owed to the Empire. Karkat knows all of that already. But the ads are still there, and when they catch his eye he finds himself momentarily distracted by a slogan, an image of her Condescension, an involuntary pang of fear or admiration. He growls. Damn it, this is the opposite of beneficial to the Empire! This is hampering the training of one of the Empire's future threshecutioners! Why would they have included this?

He glances up, and howls in rage when he sees KNOW NOT CULL NOT emblazoned across a simulated cloud. 

-

Sollux had long ago stopped questioning the pecularities of the imperial databases. Nearly all of them could be explained by pure stupidity, inefficiency, and miscommunication. The Empire wouldn't know proper organization if it slapped them across the face. All the better for him, of course - the vast, cluttered filing systems made his presence in the system harder to detect, and there is a wealth of data at his fingertips. Not all of it is particularly valuable data, but in the end it was all at his fingertips. He is relatively certain of that.

Interestingly enough, the servers the imperial ads are hosted on are rife with one particular peculiarity, one which he had noticed quite some time ago. The ads seem connected to certain other filesystems, directories that revolve around names. He had done his research; the names were those of highbloods, mostly blue, a few purple. Of all the Empire's organizational systems, this one had always seemed to him the most grubbrained. And now, apparently they had a connection to imperial ads.

Sollux scowls for a moment, hesitating. This isn't truly necessary for his current project, especially since he wants to block all ads, not just imperial ones. It's probably a waste of his time - just another example of the Empire's utter technological incompetence. And if it actually did turn out to be significant - what then? He would have endangered himself without cause, without reason. Sure, he would know, but how would that help him?

His mind settles on this answer, and he pauses for a moment, staring at his screen. Unbidden, 'Know Not Cull Not' drifts through his head, and he _snarls_.

He'd rather tear off his own bulge and shove it down his throat than let himself fall in line with imperial rhetoric.

He starts typing.

-

CG: LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT.  
CG: THE SUPER BIG PROJECT YOU'VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR NIGHTS NOW - WHEN YOU AREN'T LEAVING ME INFURIATINGLY VAGUE HINTS ABOUT IT - IS AN ADBLOCKER, WHICH INCIDENTALLY IS SIX KINDS OF ILLEGAL.  
TA: ye2.  
TA: iill iin2tall iit on your hu2ktop iin a few miinute2. iim iin the miiddle of 2omethiing el2e riight now.  
CG: I'M NOT EVEN GOING TO PRETEND SURPRISE AT YOUR ALL-ENCOMPASSING ACCESS TO MY COMPUTERS.  
CG: ...  
CG: THIS IS WHERE YOU BRAG ABOUT YOUR EXTREME PROFICIENCY WITH HACKING AND MY RESPECTIVE FAILURE.  
CG: SOLLUX?  
TA: bu2y.  
-twinArmageddons [TA] has blocked carcinoGeneticist [CG] !-

Karkat rolls his eyes. Idly, he wonders what has caught Sollux's attention; normally, he would leap at the chance to boast and banter. He's certainly taking his time with that install.

Whatever. If that sanctimonious prick he calls a best friend gets his head out of his asshole long enough to actually install the adblocker, then he'll use it. Maybe he could even modify it to encompass simulations. (Like hell is he asking Sollux to do it. He would never live it down.)

He goes back to his marathon of lectures on troop discipline. The troll giving the lesson, Dumbshit Teacherface, has a dull and droning voice, but the content is interesting enough to make Karkat sit up and pay attention.

Ads flicker on the wall behind Teacherface. Glory to the Empire. The phrase echoes around his head, and he is filled with a sense of pride. With these lessons in leadership, he will bring glory to the Empire. He is certain of it, absolutely certain, and for a moment he envisions himself being promoted to Grand Threshecutioner.

Then the feeling of pride abruptly cuts out, and everything goes to hell.

-

He'd never imagined that the Empire would hook up _highbloods_ to bioware.

It had become clear, after some investigation and research, that he was dealing with some sort of troll bioware - programs and systems running on the power of a living troll's thinkpan. A thinkpan was basically a computer in and of itself, so it made a certain amount of sense - if one was willing to hook themselves up to a bioware rig, which according to some highly specialized operating systems forums, left one practically immobilized and endangered one's thinkpan besides - and the processing power wasn't even equal to that of beenary!

It's no wonder, then, that he had never encountered thinkpan-ware before, and didn't recognize it in the imperial databases. The surprising bit is that the Empire would be willing to hook up _highbloods_ to such a rig. Maybe the Empire actually holds confidence in its network security?

Well, they're in for a world of hurt.

-

-twinArmageddons [TA] has unblocked carcinoGeneticist [CG]-  
TA: 2orry for the waiit.  
TA: ii know youre de2perate two get your claw2 on thii2 hot new piiece of captor tech, but patiience ii2 a viirtue.  
TA: al2o, ii may have ju2t made the adblocker iirelevant, but iill iin2tall iit on your hu2ktop anyway2.  
TA: ii know youre ju2t dyiing two 2ee iit.  
TA: al2o x2, ii am plea2ed to hear that you admiit my technologiical 2uperiioriity.  
TA: ...  
TA: ...  
TA: KK?

-

"KK? Can you hear me?"

Karkat groans. He has the distinct impression that his thinkpan is trying to escape his skull, he's on the floor with no recollection of getting there, and someone is speaking to him. Speaking words.

"KK?"

He tenses up, ready to spring an attack on the intruder, before he remembers that only one troll ever uses that particular appellation. And Sollux sounds... concerned? "Mmh," Karkat says, in the place of words. His head pounds. 

"KK, what happened?" He feels Sollux kneel down next to him. Groggily, he blinks open his eyes, stares up at Sollux's... worried expression. Worried? Yes, that was definitely worried, and if his head didn't hurt so badly he would just about laugh his ass off.

"Why're you here?" he croaks. Sollux furrows his brow. 

"You weren't responding," he says. "I..." He swallows. "It's not as if you haven't rescued me from my own stupidity before."

"Damn straight," Karkat shoots back. "Someone has to." He feels like he's missing something in this conversation.

"Exactly." Sollux looks down at him, strangely. "What happened?" he repeats.

Karkat scrubs at his eyes, which does nothing to help the pressure behind them. "Was getting schoolfed," he says, gesturing vaguely in the direction of his husktop. "Then... something. Emotions. They were... overwhelming. My head hurts." 

Sollux gets up to examine his husktop, and is quiet for a minute. Karkat appreciates the silence, and closes his eyes once more.

"Fuck," Sollux groans. "Fuck, _fuck_ , I should've known, I should've... argh! Why can't I think before doing shit?"

"I've been asking that for sweeps, bulgewipe. Tell me if you ever find an answer," Karkat says dryly.

"KK, I... wait."

"Wasn't about to do anything else." He idly wonders if it would be a terrible idea to fall asleep right here. The floor is comfortable enough, and he doesn't want to move. Sollux would move him into his recuparoon, he was sure.

"Psychics," Sollux whispers. "They were psychics, they were -" He cuts off, and laughs bitterly. "No fucking wonder..."

"Mind sharing with the class?"

Sollux takes a deep breath. "Every time," he says, "every time we read one of those slogans, watched one of those ads, there was a highblood on the other end, manipulating our thoughts, our feelings..."

"Hoofbeastshit." Karkat props himself up on one arm to glare at Sollux. "What the hell is this coming from? Since when are you one for conspiracy theories?"

"The _Empire_ ," Sollux snaps, "has trolls hooked up to thinkpan-ware, rigs that link their thinkpans into the imperial networks. All of them are psychics - either manipulators or fear-mongers. The pans of these trolls are near-constantly accessing the imperial adverterrorizing servers."

"Yeah, and?" He struggles to ignore the pounding in his skull. "Didn't your lusus ever tell you not to jump to conclusions, fuckwad?"

"And," Sollux continues, "when I fucked with the imperial network - specifically with those trolls' thinkpans - you went through some kind of emotional overload. Psychic backlash, I'm guessing."

"No." Karkat stares. "No, that's - no! The Empire wouldn't..."

"Wouldn't what, KK?" His voice is grim. "Wouldn't harm its own subjects? Wouldn't do anything to ensure their loyalty?"

Karkat flops back onto the floor and takes deep, shuddering breaths. "Just..." His thoughts stutter, stumble, across his clogged, scrambled excuse for a thinkpan. "Go away," he whispers, scrunching his eyes shut. He's vaguely surprised when Sollux obeys.

-

When Sollux blinks his eyes open, it's to see Karkat watching him from an adjacent chair. Okay. That wasn't weird at all. He sits up from his slumped position on KK's couch and stares back. Sollux cracks first.

"KK, I'm sorry," he begins, only to be cut off.

"Shut up," says Karkat, waving a hand. "I'm not in the mood for your self-loathing hoofbeastshit." 

The room is silent for a moment, before he continues: "After sleeping for a grand total of four hours, I managed to get my fucking thinkpan in order and put together the facts. You were in the right," he says, "and I was just being a shit-addled moron, as per usual."

"Maybe I'm not in the mood for your self-loathing hoofbeastshit," Sollux says, impulsively. "In any case, I was apologizing for the pain I brought you - and don't try to say that wasn't my fault."

"It was absolutely your fault," Karkat snaps, then hesitates. "But I'm fine, thanks for fucking asking."

"Asshole," Sollux snarks. He glances down. "I'm glad. KK, I didn't want..."

In seconds, Karkat is standing in front of him, scowling down. "Apology accepted. Now shut up." When Sollux opens his mouth, Karkat leans down and presses his lips to his, tenderly holding Sollux's jawline. Without thinking, Sollux reaches up to cradle Karkat's head, running his fingers through wild black hair as he eagerly kisses back. Their noses brush, and he feels Karkat's warm breath, feels warm lips moving against his, only leaving for a second as Karkat settles beside him on the couch.

They kiss for long moments; finally, Karkat draws back for air. "What you did," he says, still only inches away from Sollux's face, "was probably about twelve kinds of illegal. You better have covered your tracks well."

"Of course I did, what do you take me for?" Sollux smirks. "Some kind of amateur?"

"Good. Because I'm not losing you to the _Alternian Fucking Empire_."

"Hell no."

"Hell fucking no." Karkat bares his teeth, and Sollux could swear his heart skips a beat. "We're gonna make them pay."


End file.
